True Love
by LuckyStarPham
Summary: "True love isn't about always being together. It's about loving each other even more each day no matter how much time you spend apart."
1. Chapter 1

_Hello._

_This is my third attempt at writing a McRoll fiction. I've kept it in my computer for so long and I never have the courage to post it until now. _

_Just wanna shout out a special THANK YOU to all of my favorite McRollers. I appreciate the friendships I've striken up with all of you :) _

_And another THANK YOU goes to the my big sister - Paula. Thank you for helping me out by being my beloved beta reader. I will never dare to post it without your help. _

_Sorry for rambling!_

_Thanks for reading and hope you will enjoy the story! I'd really appreciate if you guys could take time leaving a comment._

_Disclaimer: All rights reserved for CBS and the managing team of Hawaii 5-0._

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><p><strong>True love<strong>

**Chapter 1:**

**Hawaii..**

It had been around a week since the last time Catherine called. When she ended the last call, Steve expected to hear from her again two days later. But it had been seven days. The last thing he received from her was a message saying "I love you".

Simple as that.

That was truly the longest week Steve's ever experienced in his life. He couldn't help thinking about every potential possibility. The fact that his mind was full of Catherine didn't do him any good. Quite the contrary, it made him suffer two shotgun wounds within a week, one in his arm and the other in his stomach. Luckily they were not really serious. Even the very calm-in-every-situation Chin scold him off for being careless at work.

For the first time in his career, he just couldn't focus. Physically, he was in Hawaii but his heart was someplace else. It flew to another part of the world.

A place very far away from Hawaii.

Steve ignored all the rants and raves from Danny, he just didn't want to listen to anymore of his bullshit. He just wanted to be home. Waiting for her calls. He even refused to stay at the hospital after he was shot. After all, Catherine was all alone out there. She had to take care of herself. That thought hurt him more than any shotgun wound. He tried several calls during the last three days, but all he heard at the other end of the line was cold static. Every night he woke up from a nightmare that he could never accept: Catherine is not coming back.

Another day went by.

Another week went by.

He couldn't wait any longer.

Steve started trying to get a hold of Joe White, so that he could go to Afghanistan under the radar without getting any trouble. The fact was that he would do anything to bring Catherine back, even if the consequence could be him ending up in jail for the rest of his life. It didn't matter, and truthfully, he didn't give a damn.

He just wanted her to be alive.

Whenever he's injured, he didn't want Catherine to be around, because he couldn't stand the pain in her eyes. But this time, he wanted her company, wanted her to sit right here, next to him, changing his bandage for him. Here he was, struggling to change a new bandage himself. It was something very familiar, he has done this for hundreds of times, no, thousands of times. But today everything suddenly seemed so difficult. It took him a little longer than normal to finish that task.

It's raining outside. Steve was sitting under his lanai and kept thinking about the legendary story about the rain he told Catherine last time. "_The tears of separated and reunited couple_". He wished Catherine could be here, and they could enjoy each other's company and share this view. As he sat down, he could hear the sound of the droplets of the rain splattering against the window. His thoughts wandered back to Afghanistan and wondered to himself what Catherine was doing right now, how her mission was going.

He missed her. There wasn't a single moment where he didn't miss her, but he missed her the most at night.

He felt lonely... and vulnerable.

Suddenly, his phone rang. Unlike the other two previous times, Steve picked up his cell phone almost immediately.

"Steve."

"Thank God, Catherine. How are you?", Catherine could easily pick up the relief coming from Steve's voice. She couldn't help herself from cracking a soft laugh.

"Yeah it's me. Sorry for not calling any sooner."

"You called back. That's good. That's good. That's all that matters. When will you come back to Hawaii? I'll pick you up."

"Steve. Listen to me. I can't come back now... Because I..."

The realization of what she was saying hit him hard. His heart was shattered into a million pieces within seconds. The immense relief suddenly turned into a huge disappointment. It was like him falling from heaven to earth. "Cath, what are you talking about?", his voice started cracking: "What do you mean you can't come back?", he was totally frozen. He couldn't concentrate, he couldn't even breathe. The imagine of his recent terrifying nightmare turned his mind blank. He totally lost his control, he couldn't listen to what she was going to say. Everything was just a blur.

"..."

"Steve, are you listening? Steve? Steve? I know it's kind of embarrassing, but I have no other choice."

"Catherine", Steve's voice calling her name was the most devastating sound she has ever heard over the years. She immediately realized what she's just done to him. She regretted her choice of words and secretly cursed herself for being so stupid.

"Do you hear what I've just said?"

"Catherine, why...?" His voice was full of raw pain and it was killing her. "Are you hurt? How's your mission? Is Najib alive?"

She elaborated quickly: "It just... I don't have enough cash to buy tickets to come back. I spent a small fortune over last year and I didn't bring that much cash. Things are a little rough lately, but everything's fine, Steve. Najib is safe, mission is completed. I just don't have any money left. That was what I was trying to say earlier, but you already seem to lose your focus. Can you...?". It was a bit awkward to ask Steve to send her money, but Catherine didn't have any other choice.

"Rollins, you did that on purpose, didn't you?"

"I'm sorry, Steve. Coming home is all I can think about and I admit I didn't think clearly... That shouldn't be the first thing I told you. I didn't mean to tease you or freak you out. I would never do that to you. That would be such a cruel joke. Though I'm sincerely sorry."

"You've just killed me, Rollins. Of course I will send you money. Do you want me to fly over there to pick you up?", his voice returned to its teasing tone and his whole facial expressions loosened, as well.

"Very funny. I'm a big girl and I don't need to be picked up. Yet I would appreciate if you could be there when I land in Hawaii."

"Of course. There's no way I won't be there. I'm transferring money to your account as we speak."

"It's officially over, right?"

"It is"

"Still, be careful, Cath! Coming home is a long journey."

"I will."

"It seems that my "Good luck!" wish works, doesn't it?" Even though they would be together very soon, Steve didn't want to end this phone call so soon.

Thinking back about her mission, which Catherine didn't want to tell Steve over the phone, she smiled softly: "Yes, yes it works. Thank you, Steve, again!"

"I don't accept just words. You need to prove your point by actions, you know?", Steve's voice was so much happier and relaxing after hearing her soft laugh.

The fact that Catherine could visualize clearly his goofy face lightened up her own face.

"I will."

"And Cath... it's raining again tonight. I don't want to believe much in those legendary stories, but... you know... "**The tears of separated and reunited couple**". Such a coincidence!"

"Yeah it is. I can't wait to come back!"

* * *

><p><strong>Honolulu International Airport<strong>

Steve was waiting impatiently at the airport. Even before her call, Steve went to the airport every day, although he already put an alert on her, so the airport will let him know when Catherine lands. He kept telling himself that's a part of his job: criminals showed up in the airport, trying to escape from the island in almost every case. But deep down inside, Steve knew it's just an excuse. He wanted to be at the airport to make sure he would be there for Cath if she arrived. Any time.

This time, he purchased the ticket for her from Afghanistan to Hawaii himself - the fastest flight he could arrange. He knew exactly the time and date. And right now, here he was - right here in the middle of the airport.

Finally.

Catherine was coming home today.

To be honest, he was new to this experience. He rarely was the one who waited at the airport. It was always the other way around, especially when it comes to him and Catherine. He only picked Mary up from Honolulu International Airport twice before, and neither of those occasions brought him this much nervousness and happiness. Steve felt like his whole life was nearly reborn. From this moment on, he won't have to deal with lonely nights or face scary nightmare demons. More importantly, he won't feel that helpless from hearing her exhausted voice through the damn phone line, which always made him want to choke.

He nervously walked back and forth in front of the gate he knew she would show up. He couldn't sit still, he had to pace restlessly up and down, he needed to do something to clear his mind from the beautiful scenarios he's building inside his head.

Among the crowd, Steve froze at the sight before his eyes. The most beautiful sight he has ever seen over the past year. The most beautiful, attractive, sexiest woman he has ever seen in his life. She looked incredibly amazing, even with several fading bruises on her face. The dark circles under her eyes betrayed her sleeplessness, but it didn't make her less beautiful than he remembered.

She still looked tired though. After all, that was a really long fight.

Steve could hear his heartbeat thumping so loud, so eagerly and happily. That special feeling when she was around has never changed. Not only his mind, his heart reacted, so did his body. She was standing there, smiling at him with the most gorgeous and sparkling smile ever. Seeing her... even in a distance... made him forget how to move, how to breathe properly.

They stared at each other for several minutes, like they totally forgot how to function. Finally, Steve was the one who reacted first, because it seemed that Catherine was too weak to move. Not physically, but emotionally. The only thing she could do was smile at him. He run through the chaotic crowded people in the airport and made his way to the woman he loved more than anything. Yes, he has always loved her, and he wasn't afraid to say it out loud anymore. She was opening her arms widely, waiting for him with tears already secretly making their way over her face.

He hugged her, desperately leaning into her as if he would never let her go. Danny told him Catherine was the best thing ever happened to him, and it was true. He didn't dare to loosen the hug. Because in his dreams, whenever he pulled back and was about to kiss her, Catherine vanished into thin air, or someone shoot her from behind. He couldn't let that happen in real life. Steve automatically swayed and changed their positions. It was an awkward move, but he just wanted to make sure no one could harm her from behind. His left hand went to the back of her head, pulling her even closer, almost crushing her, but he needed it. His right hand caressed her trembling back. This felt real, like the day he found her in the jungle. He came so close to lose her, twice. But now... she's back. He buried his face into her hair, her neck, trying so hard to control his emotional state, trying to convince himself this wasn't a dream. Tears were already in his eyes when he realized she was reacting and caressing his stiff back.

Her familiar scent penetrated him. The realization hit him.

She is real.

For the next several long minutes, neither of them moved. They continued to hug and simply enjoyed each other's presence. There wasn't any space between them, not even a millimeter. Catherine felt like she lost the ability to talk. Finally, Steve leaned back, quietly wiping the tears from his eyes. He then smiled at her and wiped her tears that she didn't even realize she had.

"Is it real, Catherine?", Steve murmured into her ears. This scenario has happened tons of times in his best dreams, but they just made him miss her even more when he woke up. Now, feeling the shaky warm body in his arms, for the first time in a very long time, Steve could tell it wasn't a dream. He kissed Catherine's hair and wasn't willing to let her go.

"Yes", Catherine nodded. Ater chocking out that only word response, she buried her head into his chess again, longing for his familiar smell - her favorite smell, then pressed it further into his neck, seeking his closeness. Suddenly Steve didn't know what else he should say at that moment, so he decided to let the silence rule the moment. He tighten his hug, which almost made Catherine suffocate, but she didn't mind, both of them just savored the moment. They both felt each other shaking desperately, and their heart were beating so loudly under the fabric of clothes.

They hung on to each other for dear life.

"If this is just a dream, please let it last for... forever...", Catherine whispered in tears, almost like talking to herself, even though she just told him it was real. Sometimes she couldn't distinguish real life from a dream, because this feeling was too good to be true.

"Catherine," his voice cracked as he whispered her name.

"Catherine", he has whispered her name for thousands of times in his life. Just pronouncing her name again and again inside his head already made everything better, like the way Chicago comforted her. And this therapy has always worked for him, effectively.

Hearing her own name from Steve's lips made Catherine feel incredibly special. That endearing sound always made Catherine's heart clench in an indescribable way. It made her feel safe and appreciated. No one has ever said her name the way Steve does. She has heard her name said by many people in her life, but only Steve could make it sound like the most soothing and touching sound ever. Every time she heard it, she believed she meant something to him, she believed he had feelings for her, even though he hadn't declared that. Her eyes become damp again. Deep down inside, somewhere in her heart, there was a special feeling that she couldn't explain and she thought she'd never feel it again.

"Steve, I've missed you so damn much. I miss you, you know..."

"I'm glad you do", he smiled, trying to let out a joke, and went back to the serious tone: "It goes both ways."

With that, he finally bent down to place a gentle kiss into her lips. The kiss tasted salty yet sweet. That was the most heart-wrenching kiss as he could remember. The feeling of Catherine kissing him and him kissing her always affected him greatly... but this time, it felt different.

It was the first kiss they shared after exchanging those three words.

It felt... official.

Like a whole new chapter of their relationship.

"Cath", he called her name, looking into her eyes, his hand slipping into her hair, "I love you."

"I love you. I've never stopped loving you, Sailor." Tears continued streaming down her beautiful face. She felt like she wasn't really like herself today because she already wasted more tears than the tears she wasted in her whole life.

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><p><strong>Outside Honolulu Airport<strong>

After tossing her bag into his truck, Steve stopped besides his truck and pulled Catherine in for another hug. He leant into her, didn't want to let her go because it still felt overwhelming. He just had to make sure she's real.

Catherine hugged Steve with all strength left in her. Her whole body was more than exhausted. But she smiled softly when she heard a soft voice besides her ears - the familiar voice that she missed so much - the same voice that gave her courage and brave to never stop fighting in Afghanistan, especially in the toughest situations: "I'm sorry. I just need a moment."

She didn't mind. She needed that too.

"You're so thin, you know that... How long has it been since the very last time you ate a proper dinner? Come on, let's get you home. I'll wine and dine you."

"That's good to hear. Thank you, Steve. I've dreamt about sushi and your steak during my flight."

* * *

><p><strong>McGarrettRollins residence.**

While watching her stuffing his homemade steak into her mouth, Steve blurted out: "You know what, I can easily accuse you of stealing."

"What?"

"You stole my shirt."

"You mean... **my** favorite blue shirt... Yeah... Sorry." - she didn't even try to be embarrassed. "It has always made me sleep better. Because it has your smell on it. Anyway, I bought you a new shirt before I took that shirt with me."

"But you haven't worn it yet, so... that new shirt is not my favorite shirt."

Hearing the honesty in his voice tugs at Catherine's heart-strings. She looked down at her steak, trying to keep calm and take control over her shaky hands.

"And you stole my heart."

"Wow. This accusation is sooo harsh! Could you be more corny?" Even she was using her teasing tone, his accusation actually sent a shiver down her spine. Warmth was spreading inside her body and touched her heart. Catherine couldn't hide a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

Steve tried to pretend it was just a joke. But deep down inside, both of them knew it was from the bottom of his heart.

"So, how is the steak?", Despite oher smile, Steve saw a brief sign of hesitation in Catherine's eyes, so he changed the subject. Honestly, he didn't know where their relationship stood after months of separation. How he felt didn't change, but he wasn't sure about Catherine. The hesitation in her eyes was killing him. Kissing was still amazing, but her body became rigid whenever he touched her. Steve wasn't sure if Catherine realized that herself.

"It's out of this world. Thank you."

"How are you feeling?", Steve put the dishes away, moved closer to Catherine, held her tightly.

"Feeling safe... with you... It's always like that. I love you, you know...". It was not easy for her to say these three words out loud, but since that phone call, everything was much easier. Saying "I love you" now actually was like the most natural thing to do. And she really enjoyed it.

"I love you too. I'm sorry I didn't say it enough. I'm sorry I didn't... Doing it over the phone is the most stupid thing ever..."

"Trust me, it's not. At least you said it. And to be fair, I hadn't said that either."

"Yeah, fair enough."

With that, Steve led her to their bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the TV series, _Hawaii Five-0_.

**Chap 2:**

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><p><strong>McGarrett Rollins's bedroom**

"Why don't you... you know... This?", she pointed at her body and their bed, "I thought our first night would be...", Catherine asked as Steve was sitting next to her, their backs were backing at the headboard. They had been in Steve's bed for an hour and he hadn't even tried to remove any of her clothes. That was not common for them, especially after months of separation. She couldn't help but wondering where their relationship stood.

No matter how hard she tried, her eyes were full of surprise, disappointment and... relief.

"Listen.. Don't be ridiculous. I know what you're thinking, but that's not it, okay? Nothing's gonna change between us. It's just... I don't want you to think the first thing I want after getting you back is sex. Our relationship is much more than that. I want you to have the feeling of being home. Everything else... we could deal with it later."

"Wow, Steve, thank you". She didn't know what to say after hearing such a delicate thought of him. She hadn't even thought about it. She felt so lucky to have a thoughtful man like Steve in her life.

"Besides, you don't realize that, do you?", Steve took her right hand, squeezing it.

"Realize what?", she asked him, feeling a bit confused.

"Your body becomes extremely tense whenever I touch you. I don't think you'd ever done that before. Maybe you don't realize it yourself, but I do. I assume something happened in Afghanistan. I know it's not easy to live in Afghanistan... I went there myself. And I saw things there. One of the most terrible sights that I can't forget was the face of those raped women. I know, it's not easy to walk away when you encounter something like that... And I understand, totally understand that we can't always be the hero, we can't save everyone that is in trouble. We have another - more important - mission at hand. I just don't want to add more pressure on you. I'm not saying this has anything to do with our relationship, but I assume having sex is not the most appropriate thing you have in mind. I'm just saying... I can give you time to forget... When you are comfortable enough to have sex, let me know, then we'll get there. Catherine, I just want you to be happy, to feel safe. I don't want to rush you into anything or force you to do something that you are not comfortable with, you know... I can wait. My boy isn't really patient, but I'll try my best."

Catherine didn't realize tears were forming in her eyes until she felt Steve's hand wiping them away. She looked down and again, lost her ability to talk. Steve used his fingers to lift her face up and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead, right in her fading bruise.

After a while, she finally uttered: "Steve, you're amazing. I'm amazed. How could you read my mind like that?"

"You read my mind better than me, too. You were like that when I was a SEAL, remember? Exactly where we are right now, just the other way around. I was always astonished how you could read my mind and know exactly what I needed to hear, know exactly what to say to make me feel better. It feels like my mind is naked in front of you all the time, you know. When I realized that for the first time, I tried to push you away, because I was scared. Nobody had ever read me like you do... it's kinda terrifying at first", he chuckled a bit, then looked at her seriously, "It's love, Catherine. It's because you care about me. It's because I care about you."

"Steve, thank you.", Catherine touched and caressed his cheek.

"Come here", he pulled her closer, let her rest her head into his shoulder. His left arm pulled her into a hug. Hugging was really comforting for both of them at this moment.

"Talk to me. If you need anything, I'm here. You are not gonna do this alone. Don't keep it to yourself, because it's really painful. I know that feeling. Trust me, Cath. We are both in Navy, I'm 4 years older than you. Everything you went through, I went through several years ago. Let me be your guide. Let me share your burden with you. Talk, Cath."

"Okay. You're probably right. It's always good to have someone to talk to. I almost forget how it feels to share things. Over the last year, I accidentally run into several women while they were being raped. I couldn't forget how terrified their eyes were. They were begging for help, Steve, anybody's help. I saw them from the bush, and damn it, I had to lay low, to keep myself under the radar. My job there was to get Najib rescued. I walked away so many times. And I dreamt about them every night. I wish I could do something differently so that I could save them. They were so young, so innocent, Steve."

She could feel his arm around her tighter a bit. His close intimacy really encouraged her to let everything out.

"The day after I called you... I said I conducted a detailed plan with a fine-tooth comb. But the mission didn't go to my plan. There's one thing I didn't expect. That day, they kidnapped a 12-year-old girl to their tent, along with Najib. Those assholes weren't human, Steve. She was just 12 years old, a bit older than Grace. They killed her whole family before taking her there. I heard them plan to rape her before putting her into an intense training program to become a sniper. Losing her family, losing her virginity, so basically she didn't have anything else to lose, she would have to obey them eventually. I couldn't take it anymore. For a moment, I thought I could rescue both of them. After I made contact with Najib and told him my plan, I managed to come closer to the little girl. Maybe I wasn't careful enough, or I wasn't meant to help her. They knew about my presence, they took me, and killed that little girl right before my eyes, "to teach me a lesson", she quoted. "Steve, I couldn't forget her innocent eyes. She's just a baby. If I had thought more carefully, maybe she wouldn't have been killed. It's my fault, Steve." ...

"No. Catherine. Don't blame yourself. I know it's hard, but it's not your fault. We aren't superhero, you know that..." Steve tried his best to encourage Catherine, but he knew it was not easy to forget something like that. Sometimes that kind of event haunted people for the rest of their lives. He wished he could take all the pain and obsession away from Catherine, or at least he'd rather be the one who endured that pain instead of watching her blame herself while he couldn't do anything. Steve remembered exactly how pain Catherine was when she lost Billy over a mission. He didn't want to see her going through that feeling ever again.

"They captured me. Luckily because of that, Najib took a chance to run away himself. I told him to try to be as quiet as possible and run as fast as he could, straight to a place I already secured. They probably were too busy with me to pay attention to Najib."

"What? You got yourself captured? Then how...?", Steve's concerned voice immediately raised. Worry was clearly written in his face as creases appeared in his forehead. He immediately thought back when he was captured himself. The amount of beating he had to endure still sent a shiver down his spine. The thought of Catherine experiencing the same thing tore him inside.

"They've beaten me pretty badly. But everything's fine, Steve." Catherine tried her best to keep the whole situation sound not-so-serious. "I'm here now, right in your arms, that's all that matters."

That didn't ease the pain in Steve's face, though his body was less tense than before. Steve's heart ached at any possibility of Catherine being beaten. He instantly took her hands and entwined their fingers together. That movement calmed both of them. Her closeness reminded him of how real she was. Whatever happened, happened. The good thing was that she was safe now.

Steve leaned further to peck at Catherine's cheek, stealing away the tears running down her cheek.

"I didn't cry in almost one year or so. I thought I forgot how to cry... It feels... strange yet normal to cry again... When I was in Afghanistan, I only cried after we talked over the sat phone."

"So I made you cry huh?", Steve looked at her apologetic.

"It's not your fault. Actually it's great to feel like a human. Steve, have I told you I miss you so much?", she cupped his face, staring at him, taking in the sight of him looking so content.

"I've missed you, too", he kissed the soft palm of her hand, guiding her hand touching over his face.

They repositioned their position, so that both of them felt more comfortable. It was a little bit cold outside, so Steve pulled the thin blanket up, covering Cath's body. The thought of her lying on his bed, and the thought of his blanket - once again - having her scent made his eyes watery. Steve silently pulled Catherine into a tight hug, leaving a kiss on her hair, inhaling deeply her scent - the scent which served as a therapy for him.

"And there's one thing I need to tell you", Catherine took Steve's hand, waiting for him to fully turn to face her.

"Don't tell me you were rescued by a handsome prince charming. Should I be jealous?" He cracked a smile, clearly trying to lighten up the conversation.

"Very funny. Actually I was rescued by a fairy, if you say so. I don't know how, but Doris somehow appeared just in time, alone. Can you imagine she rescued me from 10 brutal Taliban soldiers? I couldn't believe how she could do all of that, but how she did it was flawless. I really underestimated her ability before, I've never thought... And I was wrong". Admiration and awe were filled in Catherine's eyes and voice. A flash of terror appeared in her eyes for a second, and she smoothly covered it by continuing her story, though it didn't go unnoticed by Steve.

"She risked everything to rescue me, which I am forever grateful. That woman is truly a legendary, Steve". Catherine wanted to let Steve know what Doris did for her. The only thing she didn't want to mention was also the sight she would never be able to forget for the rest of her life: the moment these Talibans took off her clothes and stripped her to the skin. In fact, she was almost raped, if Doris didn't come in time. Her hands and her legs were tightened. She was laying there on her belly on the ground, being exposed, stretched and more vulnerable than ever. She was too stubborn to obey them, of course, which forced them to literally use a horsewhip to "teach her how to behave". She lost counting of how many strokes her lower body received from those brutal Taliban. When one of those Taliban laid a hand on her body, she spat her saliva right in his face, which earned her several more strokes. That's exactly when Doris appeared in the front door.

That was also the reason why her body reacted in a negative way even to Steve's touch. She was obsessed with the whole touching part. She didn't realize it herself.

"Was she... okay? Was she... alive? Why didn't she even contact me? She went to Afghanistan to rescue you without letting me know? This woman's really off her rocker", Steve was actually ranting. He didn't want to admit, but obviously he couldn't hide a bunch of worry in his trembling voice.

"Of course she's fine. She took great care of me until...", she was about to say "until all of my swollen stripes were gone", but she changed her sentence "until she made sure that I was okay and was able to take care of myself."

"I guess I owe her a sincere Thank you. I did try to contact her, but she ducked my calls. I couldn't get a hold of her for the last whole year. I thought I lost her again. I didn't expect this... Why didn't she come back with you?"

"She told me that she has other important things to do. When I woke up that morning, she's already gone. I didn't have enough money. The rest is history."

"Important things huh? Yeah, everything else is more important than me. I guess she just doesn't want a son like me. Maybe I wasn't good enough to be her son... Maybe..." Steve let out a sigh. He hasn't talked about Doris for a very long time. Actually he couldn't remember when the last time he mentioned her in front of another person was. Having Catherine by his side made everything much easier for him. At least he wasn't alone.

"Steve, don't be ridiculous. Don't think like that. If it wasn't because of you, why did she have to risk her life to save me from the Taliban? She loves you, Steve, in her own way."

He closed his eyes for a moment, "I wish I could say Thank you to her, personally. I dread to admit I miss her sometimes. I don't know if I miss Doris, or just miss the memory I had with the mother I used to have, when I imagined myself as G. ", Steve cracked a soft smile while thinking about his childhood. When he was a kid, Doris was a truly wonderful dedicated mother. He always thought she was so "cool". He was so proud of her and boasted to every single friend of him about having the coolest and the most beautiful mommy in this whole world.

"She's still your mother. Always will be."

"Catherine... come back to sleep. You need to rest. Just remember, whenever you need to talk, I'm here", Steve didn't want to mention Doris. Not now. Not in front of Catherine. She had enough trouble to deal with. He didn't want to burden her with his own trouble.

"Yeah." Sensing Steve didn't want to continue the topic, Catherine backed off and respected his choice. He deserved some personal time. They both did.

"You too, lie down and sleep."

They lied silently so close next to each other, each pursuing their own train of thought - their own nightmare. Though their nightmares were not as scary as they used to be when they dealt with them alone.

"Steve, I can't sleep if you can't sleep", she moved closer to Steve, whispering into his ears.

"Yes, sorry. I just... I'll try", Steve smiled.

Another ten minutes passed by.

"Catherine..."

"Yeah?"

"I'm just so glad you're here. I lost everyone who was important in my life. My mom, Freddie, my dad. I kept telling myself I couldn't lose you too, yet I couldn't do a damn thing to bring you back. If it wasn't Doris... I don't...", he couldn't think clearly. He didn't even know what he was trying to say. His mind was full of complicated thoughts, and he just needed to get a part of it out of his system, "I'm such a good-for-nothing guy."

"No. Don't do that, Steve."

"I want to see her. I really want to, Catherine", Steve sounded like he was choking. His sentences were stuck somewhere in the back of his throat, though Catherine still heard what he was saying.

She snuggled up even closer to him, hugged him as tightly as possible. She hasn't done it for almost a year: being there for him when he needed her the most. Seeing him in such a devastating state made her own eyes water. She momentarily forgot her own fear and nightmare, just felt Steve's pain and helplessness. She hoped her presence could at least calm him down, even just a little bit.

Her arms were like a soft blanket, wrapping him, guiding him go into a safety zone. They kept that position for the whole night, just sought each other's closeness and enjoyed each other's company.

* * *

><p><strong>5 AM<strong>

The first morning she's home.

Steve stared at Catherine, taking in her breathtakingly beautiful face. His figure traced over her eyebrows, her nose, her closing eyes, her gorgeous lips, though he didn't really touch her because he didn't want to wake her up. He missed this feeling so badly: The first sight he could see after waking up was this sleeping beauty. Even after so many years, watching her sleep so peacefully still made his heart jump a bit faster. He would trade anything for this moment so that it could last a little longer.

"Good morning, Lieutenant". Oh, she didn't realize she missed this endearing voice so much until she actually heard this line again. She opened her eyes and realized she was being stared by her Commander. He looked so much relaxed than last night. She raised her hand and touched the bags under his eyes.

"You are not sleeping. What are you looking?", she smiled.

"The love of my life", Steve's reply even surprised himself. But he didn't regret saying such a big declaration. The words just came easily now that they had come so close to lose each other. Then he just wanted to make sure he lived in this moment, so he would have nothing to regret: "It feels unreal. I can't believe it's happening. It's so good to have you back."

"Did you even sleep?", she moved her hand, gently caressed Steve's left cheek.

"Not much."

"Steve..."

"Couldn't sleep. Had to make sure you're real is all. I'm glad you slept well last night..."

"I'm really here. Steve, sleep. Just for a while. Close your eyes."

"Promise me?"

"I promise I won't go anywhere. I'll be right here when you wake up. Now, sleep", she ordered him to close his eyes, then grinned as he obeyed instantly. Catherine closed the distance between them, carefully placed a soft kiss into his warm lips. He's right. It felt unreal. She had to make sure this isn't the same dream she had dreamt every night in the past year.

Steve murmured into her lips. "What are you doing?", He smiled without opening his eyes. Her kiss was so gentle and emotional. He enjoyed the feeling of it.

"Kissing the love of my life. Just want to make sure you're okay is all. Now sleep. You need to rest."

"Funny. We keep telling each other that."

"I rested. Now it's your turn."

"One more kiss, then I will."

"Unbelievable, Commander. How old are you? Twelve or something? she teased him, but she remembered the way he gently kissed her to sleep last night, without forcing her to make love with him... She could feel he was restraining himself from ripping her clothes off. That was the most touching thing ever from Steve, her Steve.

"Sleep well."


End file.
